9. Lost and Found

Before you start reading, I apologize if this entry is a bit long but there’s just so much to put in so the entry for next week will be the end of Alice’s search for Jasper. Also, these are two quotes from a very good friend of mine from Twitter, she writes quotes from the character’s of the Twilight Saga. She wrote some from Alice and Jasper on there emotions from the last entry and has helped give me inspiration. Check her out on Twitter: @triciatotzkie

“Goodbye, my Alice. I love you. It’s what I thought when Roxanne captured me. I would never see you again. I would never see you dance in the room. I would never see your short spiky hair bouncing as you walked fluidly, like a swan gliding over water. I would never hear your beautiful high-pitched voice that sent shivers down my spine. I would never hold you again, my only true love. As Roxanne dragged me onwards with her cruel talent, I thought about my last moment with my Alice and thinking, I love you so much, you are my everything.”
Jasper Hale

“Jasper, I will find you, no matter what. I thought of it while Bella and I are in the airplane to Texas, rescuing you. Without him, I am hollow. I am useless. I am not whole. He’s the reason why I’m still alive. He’s the reason for everything. He’s my world, my soul mate, my one true love. He always makes me whole, alive. He’s the centre of my universe. If he dies, I would find a way to die too. I would find a way to be with him again, to have his arms around me, to have his lips against mine. I would find a way through this. I was begging, just please; let him be safe with me. Please. I really love you Jasper.”
Alice Cullen

-   Bella, Cullen

I had never in my whole existence, human or vampire, seen Alice in this much distress. Every time we caught his scent it would disappear a few miles off. Alice would then crumple to the ground and pull her knees to her face – her aguish lining her face in permanent suffering. I sighed as I slid down next to her, our faces were no longer the normal pale but instead plastered with the desert dust, our clothes wrinkled and we had become mentally exhausted.

I had gotten used to the deathly quiet since we arrived, our lips clamped shut, perfect status of silence sitting in the dirt. My throat was parched, not the human kind but the thirst for blood, the flames increased the intensity of the desert heat. We needed to hunt.

I nudged Alice slightly, her figure hanging limp against the rock, her eyes a coal black staring absentmindedly into the distance. “Alice?” An eyebrow raised and she cocked her head to the side, “We need to hunt.”

“Bella,” she sobbed – of course she wasn’t crying but rather holding on to her misery. “I can’t live without him, was it like this for you when Edward left?”

I nodded as I remembered the painful memories. “We will find him, Alice.”

“We have searched for days, and nothing.”

“The one thing I have to say is, when Edward left,” I choked out the words. “I didn’t give up, I clung on to those memories and never let go. Jasper loves you Alice, he wouldn’t give up that easily unless you were in danger, and you know him to be over-protective?”

She looked up, her face full of sadness but with a hint of understanding. “Bella, I have always considered you as a sister but now I feel as if we are connected by something more. I now understand how much Edward leaving caused you pain.”

It felt as if a rusted cog in my frozen body started working again miraculously, giving my hand to her I pulled Alice from the ground and found her to be in a more cheerful mood. My mechanical body started working overtime as I started to think about the hunting that was on the horizon.  “Time to hunt,” she chimed in, her voice happier but still hollow.

-   Jasper, Hale

The venom stung.

The large cavernous walls of the cave blocked me in, the limestone stalagmites reaching from the floor and creating columns at the base of the hollow hole in which I was placed. Newborns surrounded me; teeth exposed, venom coating their parched tongues. Flexing their newly strengthened muscles they crouched low to the ground, their bodies poised and coiled ready to spring at any moment.

I expelled the part of my mind that focused on my private memories: Alice and home, and let go to my primal instinct. I started to feel the urge to pounce through my limbs. Roxanne was hidden in the shadows, her searing laughter muffled by the caves gurgle as myself and the newborns clashed.

There went a leg, an arm, maybe a head – the swirling tangle of a mass of red hair. A cry, a yelp and a pleading child. Everything was black, dark, and destruction rained. The combat was brutal and violent.

A few moments’ later corpses littered the ground, once picking themselves up they limped away were their limbs would be sewn back on – a typical cure for such an aggressive event. I brought back up my wall in my mind, it would keep Roxanne out but it wouldn’t help defend me against her talent. She tip-toed from her perch, I walked away knowing she was attached to my retreating shadow. I found my secluded hollow were I sat whenever free, it was away from everyone, it was where my memories flooded before me.

“We’re doing well,” she purred.

I kept silent.

“Do you not talk Mr Whitlock?” she crooned as she circled my den. One thing I had learnt from my previous experience was to keep my head down unless forced to answer.

She leaped forward grasping my face between her fingers, it felt like steel blades cutting through my exposed marble skin. A sudden wave of emotion came over me, leaping through my barriers – Alice’s warm touch against my skin, like a river a molten rock flowing underneath my skin, the comfort of knowing she is safe in my embrace and the bouquet of smells that came off her skin. Roxanne hissed and jumped back in disgust.

“She will not have you, NO!” she cried sharply.

My mind didn’t process the idea before I was leaping out of the crack in the earth, pushing all the force into my legs as I aimed for the entrance to the cave. Roxanne was paralysed in the corner, her eyes rolling in the sockets as she processed the suggestion of love and devotion. I could see the light, smell the fresh air instead of the odour of rage and violence with the newborns I stayed with, I could taste the freedom.

In the arch of the cave entrance before I react, was Alice. Was my mind, which was solely focusing on running away, deceiving me? Her small figure was leaned against the limestone wall, her dress soaked with days of red dust from the desert; her hands seemed to stretch out to me. I accelerated, but with each fastening step she disappeared among the bleak cracked rocks.

Her voice was welcoming to my senses, “Jasper?”

Metal dividers slammed down before me and I hit into something hard, a shattering thud echoing in the cave. I hit the hard floor, except it wasn’t as I suspected. The rocks were sharp and prodded into my back; water flooded my lungs – the salt burning my lungs as if I was human again. I grasped for air, the waves of water feeling like acid being thrusted down my throat.

I heard a voice further back, “That was cruel, Stacey,” it called maliciously.

“A good dose of fear was needed.”

Vampires couldn’t be killed easily, but then how was I dying as I was drowning in which I was guessing the spring found in the cave further back from the fighting arena. I wasn’t human. I was vampire.

My mind clicked as black spots covered my vision, Roxanne’s gift!

Large hands thrust around my neck pulling me from the water, two newborns and Roxanne surrounded me. Stacey, a small girl from a little town further south from the caves, Duke, a large male with a burly build, stood around me – their hands clamped down roughly on my weak shoulders.

“Roxanne, it was genius to make his body feel weak therefore rendering him human, but may I end this.” Her red eyes were slits as they came upon mine.

“Your illusions are so real,” she answered happily.

I heard the last sentence but I couldn’t concentrate on anyone except the figure of Alice standing at the cave entrance, beckoning me home. There was a rumble and the rocks fell from place and buried my Alice into them. Everything stopped, my heart ruined and crushed. I ceased to breathe.

Reality came before me.

It might have been an illusion, but the image was too devastating. It made me helpless.

“That will lower his confidence; keep him here while he suffers.”

The cave entrance closed and all the light was terminated, my memories were my only comfort. Never in my life had I feel so weak and useless.

-   Alice, Cullen

Hunting had helped but I still felt the same aching in my heart, the longing to find him and to hold his hand in mine. If I found him otherwise, it hurt to think about it, I would find an away to be with him again – to feel his touch against my cheek as he stroked my face, the feel of his lips against mine.

Bella was just finishing and I sat on a rock, the outer membrane of it rough with smooth edges. It puzzled me but I threw it to the back of my mind.

Nothing else matters!

“Do you want re-route back to the house?” Bella’s voice was low as she strode up from behind me.

We had been back in the house but to nothing besides an empty cupboard and several pieces of ripped paper. Mothballs were flying through the air and Jasper’s scent was ripe, however it hadn’t lasted long and my despair crept over me. “No. Jasper won’t have stayed there long. His scent led out here, but how?”

“I don’t know,” she ran her slim fingers over the base of the rock, her eyes, now golden, gazing deeply into the distance. “Alice?” she asked alarmed.

I jumped from my perch immediately, ready to fight.

Standing up hesitantly she grasped my arms, “Were not getting attacked, feel this.”

My hands were fumbling around, the wind had rose therefore causing the dust to rise and cause a crimson fog across the wasteland. I didn’t know what Bella wanted me to do but I found it.

The surface area of the rock had been charred or scraped away. Lettering engraved deeply. Starting from the beginning I ran my fingers over each letter, spelling out each out. “F.O.R.G.I.V.E and M.E.”

My heart swelled three times its actual size. “Jasper was here!” I cried searching with my eyes every inch of the desert.

“Alice, I think” she struggled to get out her words. ”Wait a moment.”

She ducked off into the mist leaving me with a coiling stomach. She ran back, her hair pulled up in a ponytail and her face happy. “I have Jasper’s scent.”

We are going to find him.

Feel Free to join me Twilighters:

Twitter: HERE

Facebook: HERE

Email: Amylouise@thebreakingdawnmovie.org

Follow: www.twitter.com/bellasdiary