23. Payback

-          Alice, Cullen

When Emmett and Rosalie had sped off to knock some tree’s down last night, me and Jazz had asked the whole family to participate in our little game. Rosalie already knew our plan and had nodded a simple yes before speeding off with her husband. Edward and Bella were more than willing to help since they had their fair share of Emmett’s sex jokes themselves.

“That boy needs to learn to keep what goes on in the bedroom in the room,” Jacob laughed. Renesmee was curled up on his lap watching re-runs of The Simpson’s.

“Or in the woods,” Esme added, stifling her giggles.

Edward moaned, “Guys! Can we please not talk about this in front of my daughter?” Bella nodded in agreement.

“Come on, you’re such a spoil-sport. Look she’s not even listening,” I said and pointed to Renesmee as she was engrossed in the TV, her eyes dazing at it dreamily – or was that the dog’s face? They had been growing closer and closer  lately and no-one could stop the progress their relationship was making. Every so often we would see them tasting each other’s lips. Come on Edward, give us a break. It’s not like she hasn’t been exposed to Emmett’s jokes first-hand, I thought. “Oops,” I said out loud afterward.

Edward growled, “What?”

“Calm down, honey. We’ll talk about this later, Alice,” Bella hissed, looking at me through narrowed eyes. Jeez, can’t a girl get a break around here.

“Right, well the plan is as follows…”

It was now morning; we’d spent all night planning. To start off, myself and Rosalie would take Emmett shopping with us – for him it would be enough torture, he detested shopping – he would be useful when it came to carrying our bags, although I’m pretty sure we could have handled them ourselves. While we will be away, the rest of the family were going to be removing all of the gadgets Emmett loved so much, including the enormous flat screen TV in the living area. The wolves were coming over for dinner later – Esme was going to have some quality bonding time with her son in the kitchen, getting his hands dirty.

By then we were hoping he would have cracked enough, but if that didn’t tip him off enough I had the most ridiculous Prince-Charming Halloween costume he was going to try on in front of everyone at dinner, he would have to strut it on the walkway.

“I’ll definitely need the camera tonight,” I laughed, hugging Jasper around the waist and kissing him softly on the lips.

He kissed my nose lightly, smiling. “You can be an evil little pixie when you want to be,” he chuckled. “I like it.”

“You better. Now go help the others downstairs I’m late as it is. How is it you can distract me so easily?”

“That’s because you love me.” With that he left the room and darted downstairs where Carlisle and Edward were just lifting the television outside.

Pulling on my Beige Wool and Cashmere (with silk) dress, clipping the ivory leather belt around my waist and putting on my new Prada pumps – which I’d gotten at a discount price – I reviewed my appearance in the mirror before running out to meet Rosalie. She was wearing a pair of Versace skinny jeans, a sexy black tank top with the Aviator jacket I had bought for her last New Year. “Where is he?”

“He should be here any minute, I think he went to get changed,” she said, rearranging her hair so it was pulled back in a loosely curled ponytail hanging down the back of her neck.

“That boy better hurry up, there’s a sale in the Ralph Lauren store and I want to make it there in time,” I crooned, lacing my fingers together in annoyance. What could possibly be taking this boy so long? And I pray he hasn’t seen what’s going on in the house?

Two minutes later Rosalie looked up to see Emmett flitting from the house, his dark hair disheveled and his eyes wide in anticipation. He stopped a few steps away from me, “So, where are we going?” he asked, looking from his wife to myself.

Rosalie nodded in my direction. “We’re taking you shopping Emmett” I declared happily, both of us grabbing an arm and hauling him towards the jeep. As soon as he heard his name and the word shopping together he started pulling against our grasp.

“Let me go! I ain’t going shopping with you two, it’s horrible! Get off me!”

“Yes you are. Get in that car, Emmett Cullen,” I growled.

“To hell I am.”

I pushed him in forcefully as Rosalie got the car started, the engine growling underneath us. I was prepared for this; once he was in his seat I pulled the seatbelt around him and clicked it in. I was faster than him and got in my seat while Rosalie sped off before he could climb out.

I held on tight as we sped off towards the mall. I felt rather proud of our achievement so far. “Aaah, this is going to be horrible. Why didn’t you talk her outta this, Rose?” Emmet whined.

“This wasn’t her idea, it was mine,” she lied, pretending she knew nothing of my plan of payback.

“I’ll get you back, Alice. I swear I will get my revenge,” he hissed.

He sounded as if he were going insane even by the mere mention of the idea of shopping. How is it that anyone can hate it? It is one of the best things you can do on this planet? “Sure you will, baby bro,” I lamented sarcastically.

When we pulled into the parking lot, Emmett gave up on trying to break through the seat belt and willingly climbed out, looping his arm through Rose’s, then headed towards the shops with us. “Let’s get this over with,” he growled and it sounded as if he were almost sobbing.

I came out of the Ralph Lauren sale with a gorgeous knit dress for Bella, obviously it was in blue – Edward adored the color on her; while I found a cute pair of patterned leggings, a tanned-esque skirt and a black lace dress I could wear at night.

Rosalie got a long silver sequined maxi dress that flowed down to her ankles with a pair of black heels, and killer heels – I mean killer; the heels were spiked! Emmett groaned and dragged himself away from the shop, rubbing his eyes. “So many clothes, shoes and bags, it stings my eyes.”

I punched his shoulder playfully, “Don’t by stupid. This is fun, right Rose?”

“Of course. Emmett is just jealous because he didn’t get anything,” she teased.

People were watching us closely through narrowed eyes. I didn’t know if they were observing the fact that we were inhumanly beautiful or that we were dragging Emmett along by his ears. “Oh please no. Don’t pull me into another store. I don’t want anything,” Emmett shouted.

We managed to get him into the Dolce&Gabbana shop where he was now standing in front of a large mirror, a blank tortured expression his face, while a small man with straightened blonde hair and nimble fingers ran a measuring tape around Emmett’s chest. The poor man didn’t even reach Emmett’s waist so he had to grab a chair to reach up to his height.

Me and Rosalie were examining the jewelery, watching Emmett getting measured while giggling under our breaths. “This is hilarious,” I chuckled, picking up a diamond necklace and weighing it in my hands. Determining the diamonds were fake, I groaned then put it back on the shelf.

“He doesn’t seem too happy,” Rose whispered in hilarity.

While we were watching, our laughter now being heard by Emmett, we were aware of the small man gazing at Rose’s husband through wide admiring eyes. He thought Emmett was attractive. Rosalie ground her teeth.

He put a finger to Emmett’s chest, “Erm, dude. Are you done?” Em’ asked, curious as to what was happening.

“If you want it to be finished sure,” the man crooned, a wide grin appearing on his face.

Rose lost it; she stormed over and pointed a stiff finger at him. “What in hell do you think you’re doing?” she demanded in a shrill voice. “This man is my husband, how dare you touch him!”

After that I scrambled to pull Rose out of the store, Emmett’s new designer suit now having been ordered. When we got back in the car, I decided to drive and we floored it back to house. I was mentally exhausted, but it was all in a day’s work.

Emmett yelled in excitement when we got back home; he leapt from the car and his cries of joy could be heard from miles away. “I survived the most horrible experience of my life, high five. So much for your payback Alice. It didn’t work out too well.” With that, he left for the house with Rose. What a surprise he was about to get.

Jasper was by my side within a few seconds to help me out of the car with my bags. Of course I didn’t need help, but Jazz was such a gentleman. He always would be. I fell into his arms and kissed him on his lips passionately. “Welcome back, my lady,” he chanted in his sweet Southern accent that made me want to fall down.

“It’s so good to be back.”

He scoped me up into his arms and carried me and my bags inside the house and back into the bedroom – I could already hear Emmett’s loud protests, “Why me? Haven’t I already had the worst day of my life?”

“I guess everything is going according to plan?” I questioned, lying back into the bed and relaxing my muscles.

Jazz pecked me on the cheek and proceeded to empty my bags. “Everything is going according to plan. Esme has got him into the kitchen and he hates it.”

“Good,” I answered. “When are the wolves due to come?”

“In about two hours. Esme says when she’s done ‘bonding’ with Emmett she’ll get Bella and Nessie to help her in the kitchen, then everything should be done faster.”

For the remainder of the time Jasper just lay with me in his arms on the bed, it was bliss. I couldn’t remember a time I felt so safer than I did in Jasper’s arms. Of course my human memories were still foggy so I still couldn’t remember the face of my mother and father. It bugged me to know that they had left their only daughter in an insane asylum. Why would someone do that?

“Come on, Emmett. Stop moving around, our guests are going to be here soon and I want to get this right.”

I was now dressed in my lacy black dress I had bought earlier today, my sapphire earrings dangling from my ears. I pulled my silk shawl tighter around my shoulders as I pushed a pin into Emmett’s Halloween costume; he shuffled on the spot so it fell out. “Stop moving around!”

“Stop pricking me with the dam needle then.”

I gave a loud sigh of annoyance and instead picked up the thread and sewed the hole in the costume back together hurriedly. I smoothed the material down with my hands before darting out of the room to get the final piece. “There we go,” I said, clipping the cape around his neck. “No looking until I call you downstairs,” I scolded.

“Why not?” he complained, pulling his hands from his eyes, but keeping his eyes tightly closed shut.

I nudged him in the ribs. “Because I told you so.”

Gathering downstairs to wait for our guests to arrive, we all exchanged a silent giggle at Emmett’s costume. Carlisle was even sharing his inherent laughter. I had dressed him in the Prince Costume used in the children film “Enchanted” with the puffy sleeves, golden gloves, fake sword and red tights. When he came downstairs he would be so embarrassed it would make my eyes water, if that were possible for a vampire, which it wasn’t.

The doorbell rang and Carlisle and Esme welcomed our guests and ushered them into the living area which now held a massive mahogany table, the top peppered with the most cutlery I’ve ever seen in my life, and it was all Esme’s good china. Renesmee greeted Jacob right away with a kiss to the cheek; I rolled my eyes and looked away.

There was Seth, Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Quil, Embry, Paul and even Leah. They were all seated and looked around hungrily for the food; well at least they bothered to dress up instead of coming looking like starved animals. The wet dog smell made me wrinkle up my nose in disgust but we all kept friendly and set down to our first course – Esme’s homemade tomato soup.Well, their first course. We just sat and chatted along as they wolfed down their food.

I picked up a glass and tapped my spoon against it, willing to make an announcement. I stood up. “I’d just like to thank everyone for coming tonight, especially the wolves who have tight schedules when due to their patrols.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, your food rocks,” Embry interrupted, the crowd of dogs shouting their approval at the comment.

“But,” I continued, “I’d like the start off the night with a little humor. My brother Emmett, who isn’t downstairs just yet, has a tendency  to spread his sex jokes shamelessly amongst people and today I decided to get him back. We took him shopping – which he hated! – removed all of his favorite gadgets, made him get down and dirty in the kitchen and finally…”

All of a sudden Emmett sped down the stairs, his face looking flushed with horror-struck anger. Everyone stifled their laughter for a moment. “Alice Cullen, I swear I knew it was you all along. You think doing all of that is getting me back but…” then everyone did laugh, and loudly as well. He gaped down at his costume. “What is this?”

I walked over to him and guided him to his chair, laughing. “If you promise to stop with the sex jokes, I promise I won’t do this again?” I held out my hand to him.

“So you won’t ever, ever, take me shopping again?”

“I swear,” I drew a cross over my heart mockingly.

He clasped his hand in mine. “Deal, baby sis. And look, you got me in a ridiculous Prince costume without me knowing, that is just hilarious!” He pulled me into his arms and spun me around frantically in the air, his laughter booming louder than anyone else’s.

So all ends that ends well. The dinner went fantastic and the food was great, according to the wolf pack. The wolves went home late with extra bags full of Esme’s food so that kept them exceptionally excited and we were left to take once last laugh at Emmett’s costume before we all tidied up.

When the moon rose, I I began to feel mentally tired from pranking Emmett all day. I sat down on my bed lightly and Jasper pulled me tightly into his arms. “What are you thinking?” I asked cheekily.

“Only just something to end the night in perfect bliss,” he replied, trailing kisses down my throat.

“I may like this idea.” Then my fatigue slipped away and was replaced with a heightened sense of delight and ecstasy.

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